I love poetry and I believe there is often great wisdom to be learned from it. So it is with the writings of early-17th century English poet John Donne (he actually wrote scandalous poetry before become a philosopher and a secretary for the Church of England). In 1624 he wrote:
No man is an island entire of itself; every man
is a piece of the continent, a part of the main;
if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe
is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as
well as any manner of thy friends or of thine
own were; any man’s death diminishes me,
because I am involved in mankind.
And therefore never send to know for whom
the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
I’ve thought a lot about this in the last few weeks. In a time of social distancing, quarantines, and isolation, how do we make these powerful words apply? If we are all truly interconnected, as I believe we are, how can we experience that interconnectedness when we don’t engage with one another on a regular basis?
Many years ago, I had an experience that I will never forget. I was having a very hard time and I had prayed fervently that someone, anyone, would call and check up on me; that someone would feel inspired to reach out. One Saturday I awoke and just sobbed for an entire morning, with no abatement. In the mid-afternoon the phone rang, and I was excited that my prayers for help were being answered. Imagine my surprise, therefore, when I answered, and it was someone needing me. My friend on the other end of the line was having a very difficult time and needed my help. I talked to them for a couple hours. When I hung up, the phone immediately rang again. It was yet another friend in need, and I spent time listening to and hopefully helping them. When I was finished with the second call my mood had completely changed and I felt a sense of satisfaction and happiness I hadn’t expected. I knew that my prayer had been answered, just not in the way I had anticipated.
There have been other times in my life when I struggled, and others have shown up and given me strength and support. An aunt who took care of me when I was emotionally lost; friends who stood by my side the night Ben died and in the following weeks and months; friends who’ve called out of the blue when things were difficult; friends who believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself; and many other examples. Those are times I cherish.
I believe that the best antidotes for hard times are found through others. The Savior himself said that we are to, “share … one another’s burdens.” This is our challenge and our charge, and it goes two ways. There are times when we need to be the giver, even when it is difficult. Other times we need to be vulnerable, to reach out, and to let other people serve us. That doesn’t mean that we need to share details of our trials that are too personal, or share them publicly, but rather that we should let others, even if it’s just one friend, know that we need support and let them give it.
Everyone is going through something. Everyone. When we look around, we should be seeing the world as a place filled with people who are struggling but doing the very best that they can. Henry David Thoreau famously said, “Most men live lives of quiet desperation.” Remembering this as we interact with others in any way, will help temper our tempers, help us have patience, and allow us to bless others instead of causing greater harm to them or ourselves.
This concept was vividly illustrated for me a few weeks after Ben passed away. For many years Ben and I did the grocery shopping together and we saw it as a way to spend some much-needed time with each other. My first grocery shopping by myself after his death was therefore difficult and while I had held it together inside the store, I found myself crying as I put the groceries in my car. I clearly wasn’t being as alert as I should have been, and as I pulled out from my parking spot, I apparently cut off another driver. She was not happy with me. Not a bit. She honked and yelled at me as she sped around my car and gave me a not-so-friendly hand gesture. That just made me cry harder and feel even sorrier for myself than I already was. Her immediate knee-jerk reaction touched a very tender spot and made a hard evening even harder. This experience of having seen how such an angry reaction from a stranger affected me, has helped me try harder to not respond in anger to others who annoy or frustrate me. I’m not perfect, but I have definitely tried harder. (This doesn’t mean, however, that I don’t grouse under my breath. I’m not quite at that point yet.)
I believe that we need to acknowledge that the way we treat others has a much greater impact than we can ever know. We are all part of this island of life that is affected by both storms and sunshine. We need each other. We need to give, and we need to receive, in ways both small and large, acknowledged or not.
During the Pandemic and its accompanying isolation we can still make phone calls and write notes to people. We can send texts or find creative ways to help lift others’ burdens and show we care. I talked to a cashier in a grocery store who told me story after story of people taking their frustrations out on her during the pandemic. Listening to her helped me see that we can make a real difference as we make a greater effort just to be kind to everyone we come in contact with. We can count to ten and accept that those doing things we don’t like are also struggling, just like we are.
I love a song performed by David Archuleta entitled, “Things are Gonna Get Better.” It can make me happy, it can make me cry, and it can inspire me. In the song he talks about the struggles everyone experiences, but then says,
And I know there’s hope.
I can see it in your eyes.
So take me, touch me.
‘Cause with a little bit of love, we can win the fight.
With a little bit of love we can see the light.
With a little bit of love it’ll be alright.
So, when things are tough, like they are right now, what are some things we each can do to make it better? How can we give to and receive love and strength from others? This week I have had several different friends privately share some very difficult things they are going through with their health, extended family health, and other situations. I felt blessed that they felt they could share with me. There is so much more, though, that I could be doing to proactively reach out to those around me. It is easy for me to stay inside my bubble and nurse my own personal struggles and trials, but people are hurting all around and I need to remember that. I also need to let other people serve me by sharing my trials with them. What are some things that you can do to share life’s burdens with your fellow sojourners?
No man or woman is an island. We are all part of the whole. Each person’s struggles affect all of us and as a society we will be much stronger as we remember this very simple and powerful truth. Indeed, with a “little bit of love we [all] can see the light [and] with a little bit of love it’ll be alright.”
Look to God and Live... Joyfully! 