Today Elizabeth sang in two different church meetings. She sounded great at both, but that’s not my point. When choosing a song to perform, Elizabeth chose a song I wrote years ago based off of William Blakes poem, The Lamb. I wrote it as a lullaby back when we were super poor and I needed to come up with a baby shower gift for a good friend. For that gift I wrote a series of lullabies based on classical poetry, recorded them on a small hand-held tape recorder, and then attempted to create a little cloth book to go along with it. You already know about my amazing craft skills, haha. Aaargh. That part didn’t turn out so well. Neither did the recording. But what lasted were the lullabies. Ben loved those and he regularly sang some of them to Elizabeth throughout her growing up years. One of his two favorites was The Lamb. He and Elizabeth sang it in church together when she was little, and he sang it at every extended family gathering. Elizabeth choosing this song for today was to pay tribute to her much missed and dearly loved father on Father’s Day. I am sure he enjoyed hearing it today, even from the other side of the veil.
When I think about Father’s Day I think about legacies. Dads leave legacies, for good or ill, with their children. This song was a legacy Ben left for Elizabeth. My dad gave me a love of the dumbest jokes and an “appreciation” for practical jokes. My sense of humor was honed at his knee, and I really can’t say whether that is a good or a bad thing. Dad also taught me to watch out for others, especially those who are alone. I remember when he quietly went over and began mowing the lawn of our widowed neighbor. He did that weekly for years. When Ben and I sang in the Southern California Mormon Choir he would regularly bring as many widows as he could with him and my mom to our concerts. He was known as a friend to the loneliest people around and I have tried to emulate him in that. It’s a great legacy.
Not everything dad taught me, however, was good. I remember when I started a school newspaper in elementary school I printed the lyrics to a parody song that my dad frequently sang. I was horrified to learn from my peers that the words were sacrilegious and even blasphemous to them. As I thought about it I agreed, even though up to that point in my life the song was just a natural part of life. Well, not just dad singing it, but his singing it and my mother responding with an exasperated, “Bob!” every time he did.
Ultimately that is a minor event in my life. But it illustrates my point that fathers have huge impacts on their children – for good or for ill.
That brings me to Juneteenth.
Juneteenth celebrates the day in 1865 when African American slaves living in Galveston, Texas received word that they had been emancipated. They were the final slaves to be freed in the United States, and it occurred two months after the end of the Civil War and two-and-a-half years after the Emancipation Proclamation that had actually freed them. No one had bothered to share the good news with the slaves until that date. Juneteenth celebrates the final abolition of that most hateful and disgusting “peculiar institution” in the United States.
Since that date there have been fits and starts towards full equality. Legally there have been major strides through civil rights legislation both on the state and national levels, but it hasn’t equated to fully just and fair treatment. Unfortunately, there still continues to be inequality from individuals who choose racist actions and language over treating those descendants from slaves as equal in all ways. Many of those traditions of racism are legacies from parents who refuse to acknowledge the pain and hurt caused by their actions and the actions of others around them.
This is absolutely not a rant against fathers on Father’s Day. It is a reminder that legacies are real, whether they are intentional or not. It is a reminder that there is a responsibility for fathers to show by word and deed a commitment to the advance of full equality. It is a reminder that how fathers treat others – their wives, their extended family, their neighbors, and those in their community – will be noticed and usually copied by their posterity. Juneteenth is a great opportunity to look at how we respond to our African American fellow citizens and to see if there are ways to improve. Father’s Day is an opportunity for self-reflection, to look at our actions and see how we can improve in the way we treat others.
So often we focus on the impact of mothers on their children. That impact is huge. In focusing in such a way we often relegate fathers to the sidelines, acting as though they are not equally as important in shaping a child’s view of the world. In church today someone said, “There’d be no Father’s Day without mothers.” I’d take it further and add the obvious truth that there’d be no mothers without fathers. Both play important roles and both are equally important.
I look at the impact Ben left in our home. I am convinced that Elizabeth is far more her father’s daughter than mine. He spent time with her, shared so many of her interests, worked with her, listened to her, and loved her. She can recite his view on almost any subject, complete with direct quotes (she said today that his number one statement, while yelling at Penn State football games, was “Don’t run it up the middle!” Given the fact that she hates college football and has never intentionally given it any of her attention, I think this proves my point that purposefully or inadvertently fathers leave a permanent impact on their children in every way). I will never say that I was more influential on Elizabeth than her father.
Happy Father’s Day to all you amazing fathers out there. I’m impressed by all that you do. Happy Juneteenth, as well. Here’s hoping that by formally recognizing the holiday that we all look inward and reassess our thoughts and actions in order to improve, thus helping the next generation be further along the path to full justice and equality than our generation.
Legacy – it’s what’s forever.
Look to God and Live... Joyfully! 