Today someone I really admired passed away. I had never met them in person, but nonetheless they had a big impact on my life and my life outlook. I had spoken with them through DMs a few times, but never more than that. We were going to meet up, but then Covid came along and put a halt to that idea. I knew Kris via Twitter. Through their posts I followed their journey of marriage and divorce and raising their son. I enjoyed following Kris’ adventures on new jobs. I followed along as they dealt with miserable medical issues. I followed their painful path of discipleship, striving to remain true to their faith as a non-binary Christian and member of my church. I felt that I knew Kris personally. I knew their jokes, their hurts, their pains. A few days ago Kris was found in a car. They had been too long without oxygen and the brain damage was such that there’d be no recovery. They were removed from life support this morning and passed away this evening. I grieve for all of us who were made better by Kris’ life, but mostly I grieve for Kris’ beloved son, Toby. How quickly things can change in life!
I’ve obviously been thinking a lot about Kris in the past few days and their influence on me.
Social media can be a negative influence in many ways, but it can also be a positive in many other ways. One of the things I love about social media, for example, is how I’ve been able to “meet” so many diverse people. Living in the bubble where I currently dwell doesn’t give me immediate face-to-face access to the vast swath of humanity that fill this earth. Now, however, I have friends in the Yezidi community, in India, across the nation, and from all walks of life. My friendship group on social media is diverse – and I love it. Kris was part of this amazing community.
One of the most vital lessons I learned from my online friendship with Kris was the importance of putting a real person within a category. A face to a name, so to speak, even though I might never meet them. Kris, like I said, was non-binary. As I listened to Kris I learned about the struggles and realities of their life. After becoming “proximate” (as Bryan Stevenson recommends), I learned to love. After learning to love, how could I ever look at the LGBTQ+ community as an evil cabal seeking to destroy everything I hold dear? I couldn’t. How could I judge their life when I now saw the reality of that life?
One of the great joys of my social media experience has been hearing about the real feelings and experiences of people of different ethnic backgrounds, faiths, beliefs, cultures and gender identities. I have cried as I hear stories of being bullied and rejoice in successes. I have come to understand people who are seemingly completely different from me and I have come to recognize the validity and value of differing viewpoints. I have come to see the world through a whole new set of eyes, understanding more fully the truth that “all are alike unto God.” What a blessing this has been to me! I’ve seen that in truth there is more similarity in the things that matter than there are differences, and I am a better person for that. I thank Kris for helping me grow in this area.
One of the things I have discovered through my branching outside of my usual bubble is that often those who are considered on the fringes of their society are those who give and share the most. Kris was no exception to this. Reading the posts grieving their death today, I heard account after account of people whose lives were blessed by Kris. They had no qualms, despite their financial struggles or feeling on the outside of their faith community or their emotional stresses, to drop everything to help other people in need. When the situation was reversed, Kris was over-the-moon grateful to those who helped. They were a model of Christlike caring and service.
Kris was humble about the impact they had and would be shocked at the outpouring of grief and love over the past few days. Kris (and Toby) have both been trending today on Twitter. Heartfelt expressions of love have come from across the globe. What an impact this one person had on so many!
I think Kris’ impact can be summed up with the following hymn:
Each life that touches ours for good Reflects thine own great mercy, Lord; Thou sendest blessings from above
Thru words and deeds of those who love.
What greater gift dost thou bestow, What greater goodness can we know Than Christlike friends, whose gentle ways Strengthen our faith, enrich our days.
When such a friend from us departs, We hold forever in our hearts
A sweet and hallowed memory, Bringing us nearer, Lord, to thee.
For worthy friends whose lives proclaim Devotion to the Savior’s name,
Who bless our days with peace and love, We praise thy goodness, Lord, above.
I’m a better person for having known this wonderful soul – even if it was only via social media. My life has been blessed. God be with you, Kris, til we meet (for the first time) at Jesus’ feet.
Look to God and Live... Joyfully! 