This past week I participated in an interesting conversation. A friend pointed out to me that studies show that the greatest inhibitor to successful aging was not diet or exercise or any other factor other than… aging. We had a good laugh about this! Then this friend pointed out another study, done by James F. Fries of Stanford University. Fries expostulated that while diet and exercise might not lengthen your life by years, it could lengthen your life in its fullness. In other words, it could help determine how many of your years could be enjoyed to their fullest.
Obviously there are some caveats to this. Many diseases don’t care how healthy you are to begin with, they just choose you and that’s it. I’ll return to this in a bit.
As I’ve been thinking about this this week I pondered how to better extend the fullness of life. Okay, I have arthritis. I can’t control that. Does that mean I can’t have a full life? Obviously the answer is a resounding no. Or maybe not so resounding. I mean, arthritis does keep me from certain activities that I would enjoy: my piano playing suffers, I can’t do arts and crafts (not that I was good at them to begin with, so maybe it’s actually a good excuse), some of my baking gets short shrift, etc. The question is, though, are those the things that make a full life?
I have taken time over the past month or so to figure out what I consider the core elements of a happy life are for me. I was surprised to see what, after much soul searching, made the list and what didn’t. What is on my list, obviously wouldn’t necessarily be on someone else’s list, but I feel right about the answers I found for myself.
My next step, after identifying my core elements, was to map out how to achieve them. What do I need to do to actually make sure I am able to have these in my life for the long haul? That takes me back to my earlier point about health. I may not have full control, no matter how good I am on diet and exercise, over the course of my health. Making sure I do my part in being healthy is smart, however, and something I am working on. The one thing I am able to have control over, however, is having the ability to be happy. As simplistic as that sounds, it actually does take lots of prepping.
In November I had a good friend named Christine pass away from cancer. She had suffered with this disease for more than five years. Christine had big plans for her retirement years – and those plans did not include being debilitatingly ill. Christine, however, had prepared for decades to be happy and live a fulfilling life. During the five years she suffered she took care of people around her, hosted occasional events, participated with friends, enjoyed good conversation, and grew in faith. I had a chance to visit with her a few days before she died and she was glowing. She spoke of her amazing life – and shared story after story of joyful moments, despite the cancer. Christine may have been ill, but she had a full life.
I have someone else very dear to me, a widow, who has been bedridden for years with a horrible illness. She has no control over that. This woman, however, spent a lifetime preparing to have a full life, no matter what. Her grown children call her blessed. She is admired and loved by scores of grandchildren. She spreads joy and peace and fun wherever she can. She may not be able to leave her room, but her sphere of influence is huge. Despite her afflictions, she has lived a full life.
I think of another dear friend whose husband was killed by a drunk driver. This woman has done amazing things in her career, blessed countless individuals, been a rock in her family, and traveled the world. Life dealt her a very tough hand, but she has lived the fullest of full lives.
What have these women done that have helped them know such great joy amidst such trials? How do you even prep for that?
For me, I think it begins by where I put my focus. Am I looking outward or inward? I probably think we need to do a bit of both, but we need to make sure that we look the right direction at the right time. Being introspective is good; being self-centered is not. Being aware of people around us is good; being aware of people and trying to be just like them or better is not. You get my drift.
Just as exercise and diet can help our physical bodies, so too can exercise and diet help our mental and emotional lives. Many studies back that up.
Exercise of our minds is also important. So is exercising faith in God and God’s love for us. I heard someone explain it this way: God has a literal vested interest in each of us – His children – so we have good cause to trust Him. We need to exercise that faith. We also need to exercise our love for others. Words don’t mean anything if we don’t act on them. We need to exercise optimism and hope. I know for a fact that both wallowing and happiness can be addictive. It takes work, though, to break away from the depths of our self-pity and despair to find a way to have and share happiness. Sometimes making that break from sorrow to joy requires external help. Don’t be ashamed of that. Many people like to use exercise or nutrition coaches to help them achieve their physical goals; it is just as valuable to seek mental and emotional health coaches to achieve emotional, spiritual, and mental goals. I know that for a fact. My counselor has been an emotional lifesaver for me!
In keeping with that theme, just as exercising good things helps us live a full life, so does diet. Consuming things that bring joy, knowledge, growth, love, and support will help us in every way. Surely we all know the people who thrive on a diet of mean-spirited gossip, anger, fault-finding, or looking for the bad in much of the world. A diet of things that promote such attitudes is toxic. Instead we should be seeking for those things that are “virtuous, lovely, of good report, or praiseworthy.” That includes finding those attributes in the endeavors we pursue.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote in his A Psalm of Life:
Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Henry Wadworth Longfellow
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.
Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.
Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each to-morrow
Find us farther than to-day.
Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.
In the world’s broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!
Trust no Future, howe’er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act,— act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o’erhead!
Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time;
Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o’er life’s solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.
Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.
Successful aging might require me not to age, but successful living will require diligence to goodly regimens of exercise and diet – physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. I know that I’m hoping to employ these means to a much more joyful life. I hope that you’ll join me in the journey!
Look to God and Live... Joyfully! 