I’ve been thinking about butterflies this week. I think just about everyone knows that I love these beautiful creatures and envy their ability to bring joy as they flit across their world during their short lives. I could sit and watch them forever.
The thing with butterflies, however, is that they didn’t start out as beings with colorful wings, able to soar and float. Butterflies are amazing. They start out as cute caterpillars inching their way across the ground – a delight for children everywhere who let them crawl along their fingers. These furry crawling insects then cocoon themselves (disclaimer: I am not now, nor have I ever claimed to be, an entomologist. My knowledge in this arena is elementary – at best) for a few days before emerging from their chrysalis as a butterfly, free to fly.
Here’s a thought, though. What if a caterpillar chose to cling to its chrysalis and refuse to come out? It might enjoy the warmth and the security, right where it is. It might think flying is much scarier than it was crawling on the ground, and thus it is much happier staying right there in its cocoon. If it can’t crawl anymore then it at least won’t have too fly.
Obviously that wouldn’t happen. Nature takes charge and from crawling to flying, the cycle of a caterpillar/butterfly’s life continues.
As I’ve thought about butterflies this week I’ve thought about all the ways we find ourselves afraid of leaving our own chrysalises. We cling on for dear life to the world we know, or think we know. It is much simpler.
This unfortunately, isn’t the road to growth.
I grew up hearing the phrase, “the best thing a parent can give their children is roots and wings.” The roots ofttimes is the easy part. Wings, now that is where it becomes frightening.
I’ve thought a lot about the chrysalises that we can find ourselves clinging to and refusing to leave behind. Fear – for our future or that of our loved ones; opinions – beliefs that leave no room for new ideas; traditions – that don’t allow for change; expectations – of ourselves and life experiences are all cocoons that we can wrap ourselves.
The cocoon of fear plays out, for example, in over-protective helicoptering parent-child relationships or in taking risks in schooling or careers. It handicaps and even paralyzes us, keeping us stuck in exactly the same spot. Wrapping ourselves or our children in a soft blanket and not allowing exploration of the world, in all of its myriad facets, will be safe, but not overly fulfilling.
I think that often we as individuals can cling to our preconceived understandings and opinions, without subconsciously even wanting to expand our thinking. It might hurt to think that we’ve inadvertently held ideas or said things that were hurtful to others, for example. Maybe we worry about appearing foolish if we evolve. Perhaps the fear of being taken advantage of keeps us in our cocoons. I’m afraid, however, that this clinging to traditions of the past aids in the spread of harmful racism, a lack of tolerance, and an inability to love our neighbors as God has loved us. We must emerge from our cocoons of past understanding and belief in order to fly towards a brighter future.
Tradition is a good thing as long as it doesn’t become a crutch to keep us from discovering new things. It’s like the old story of the family that always cut off the ends of the ham before cooking it. Someone, several generations after this began, asked why. What was it about cutting off the ends of the ham that made it so much better? As the history of that tradition was explored it was learned that great-grandma had to always cut the ends off in order to fit a ham in the only baking pan she had. All those hams through the years had wasted meat because of a necessity that somehow became a tradition. How many traditions do we hold to that are just mindful adherence instead of affirmatively blessings?
Another chrysalis that we sometimes find ourselves stuck in is the cocoon of our own expectations. Unfortunately it is rare for a life to go the way we have imagined. It is so tempting to not explore our new world when everything becomes different and new. The unexpected death of a loved one, a lost job, dreams not being fulfilled, natural disasters, and more can shake our very foundations and drive us inward – afraid to face the unknown. Even unmet smaller expectations can throw us off, too, and seem to change the trajectory of our anticipated lives, thus making us want to curl up and not move forward into new opportunities. Large or small, however, clinging to expectations of an exact vision of life that is no longer available is like clinging inside our cocoons and not breaking free to experience the wonders of a new rewritten life.
When I was a teenager I wanted to have 13 children. I dunno. Don’t ask. My only excuse is that my favorite show was the Waltons and I wanted to be Mrs. Walton. When I was 20 I lowered my dream to eight children. By the time I married at 29 I was perfectly content with the number five. Five children. Obviously that didn’t happen. What did happen, however, was that I was blessed with an amazing daughter who is a gift every day. Our circumstances of a smaller family allowed us to travel, spend one-on-one time together, support every single concert Elizabeth ever sang in, and have a very good life in more ways than I can count. What a blessing! This wasn’t my expectation when I was younger, but it is my great joy every single day. By embracing the new reality I have been blessed beyond measure.
There actually isn’t a single changed situation that can’t be turned to a blessing if met with an open heart. Soaring requires emerging and changing. It requires breaking free of our chrysalis of fear, opinions, traditions, and expectations. It requires looking at change as a chance for ourselves or our loved ones to break free and fly into the wonderful future God has prepared and soar into deeper and richer joy.
Look to God and Live... Joyfully! 