This past week I was able to spend time with my daughter in Cleveland, Ohio. It was a wonderful week! One thing that we appreciated, and that was so heartwarming, was seeing the support for the embattled and besieged nation of Ukraine. The Terminal Tower building was lit in blue and gold, billboards proclaimed solidarity with Ukraine, and cars sported blue and yellow stickers on their bumpers. All of those made me tear up.
Back at home now, as I listen to my favorite radio station, I have discovered that their weekend midday shows are dedicated to Ukraine, beginning the programs with the Ukrainian National Anthem. They’re even holding a benefit concert tomorrow (Monday) evening. The news I follow is filled primarily with stories of courage and heartache and horror from the battlefront. Everywhere I go it seems people are focused on cheering on the seeming underdog in a senseless war. It is exactly as it should be.
I have a question though, that goes far beyond the battle lines. What happens when the war slogs on? How long will people around the world show their undeviating support? How long will we keep caring for the soldiers and the refugees?
Taking that question further, how long does our endurance and patience last when we are dealing with the stresses and struggles of other people in general? How long are we willing to hear the cries of pain and grief when they are not our own?
Growing up my mom had a favorite phrase: “Put up or shut up.” That meant that we had exactly three opportunities to complain about an issue before being in trouble. Yes, that sometimes included her line of, “I will listen to you cry, but I won’t listen to you whine” before a good smack across the face in annoyance. This first phrase was often good for me, however. It led me to find solutions instead of hanging around the “slough of despond” mired in self-pity. Sometimes, though, solutions weren’t as easily found and I ended up burying my problems deep inside, leading to additional issues. Overall, though, I must admit that for my own personal life I appreciate the push to always move forward. I don’t always live to that, unfortunately, but it is a philosophy that has shaped my life.
Having a personal experience such as mine, though, doesn’t mean that I have the right to judge others whose problems overwhelm them, even if those problems seem small to me. I cannot look at a nation in turmoil, or individuals dealing with chronic illness or pain, or those who have grief that seems irreparable and require them to just forge ahead as though all is well. My timeline for their recovery has absolutely no bearing on reality and therefore shouldn’t even be part of any equation.
I saw a post the other day from a friend who has been dealing with health issues stemming from a doctor’s error nearly a decade ago. She has borne her burden well, but at times she breaks down. She commented in this post that she knows there are those who want her to “put on her big girl pants and get over it.” She acknowledged that it is difficult for people to maintain caring for prolonged periods of time and she has apologized frequently and profusely for continuing to struggle. My feelings, though, are that she has a right to continue seeking help given the fact that her problems continue.
I have heard numerous widows and widowers share their experiences of being told to “get over” their grief. I have a friend who went through a very painful and unexpected divorce who found that people supported her in the initial stage when the revelations were coming out, but not long afterwards made it clear that she wasn’t to express her struggles anymore, but just move on. I’ve had friends with chronic illnesses who have become seeming pariahs at church because they come across as needy. Hello! They are needy! I have a good friend whose family is always fighting serious health and economic problems. Their need for help is real, even though it never seems to end. The list of potential situations goes on and on and on. The bottom line is that we, as disciples of Christ, are to never give up. There might come a time when all we can do to help is pray, or provide a listening ear, or even just give a smile and a kind word in passing. More expansive help might require someone else’s intervention, but pretending the problems aren’t there, or are too much for us to handle, just isn’t the Lord’s way of expressing love.
When problems and trials no longer make the front page of the news – be it the media news or the news chain of friends and associates – what is our reaction? Seriously. Do we look the other way when we see someone with needs coming our direction? Do we quit taking phone calls or responding to emails? Do we quit praying with sincere hearts for this person’s success?
I don’t believe that the admonition to “mourn with those who mourn” or to “comfort those who stand in need of comfort” has an expiration date. Being in the battle with those who struggle needs to be a long lasting endeavor.
I am a descendent of the Hume clan from the border marches in Scotland. When the clan first acquired the name in the 13th century they were known as Clan Home, but that would later change. The story goes that during the Battle of Flodden in 1513 Lord Hume led his men to battle with the cry, “A Home! A Home!” Unfortunately many of his troops thought that he was calling for retreat from the extremely brutal and bloody battlefield and so they left the field and returned home. The clan, whose motto is, “True to the end” gave up part way. The clan subsequently changed it’s name from Home to Hume to avoid further such missteps. I share this because I believe that it is easy to look for reasons to leave the fray, to abandon others on the battlefield, when the going gets too long and difficult.
Staying the course when it seems too hard is when it is most important. After the captains and the kings are gone (with apologies to Kipling), when the focus of the many is no longer laser-focused on the individual need, when the initial outpouring of support and service is over is often the time of greatest need. When people can no longer house refugees for free or Chef Jose Andres’ World Central Kitchen is no longer providing meals or the television cameras have left the scene or the funeral has been held and the bereaved is on their own is exactly when steady supportive consistent help is what is required. That is when the real work begins of finding solutions or showing that love and care isn’t a transitory emotional state.
When the going gets tough, those with love tough it out. When the attention fades, those with love stay focused. Life’s struggles don’t stick to a strict timeline, unfortunately. The journey is often long and the slog is often deep. Stay the course, run the marathon with those called to endure the many miles, and always be consistent in love.
Look to God and Live... Joyfully! 