My puppy is in danger. At least he thinks so. Toby, my 8-month old Bernese Mountain Dog, keeps seeing frightening dogs everywhere he looks. I first discovered this one night when he was looking out the french doors and was frantically barking. It was so intense that it made me a bit nervous, despite the fact that I live in a very safe area. Anyway, I went outside and looked and there was nothing and no one there. I came back in, closed the door, and Toby started going nuts again. I tried to look at the door from his perspective and that’s when I saw it: there was a big Bernese Mountain puppy staring at Toby. Since then Toby has seen these puppies in my bedroom windows, my mirror, and the glass covering the fireplace. It startles him and terrifies him every single time.
When I was in elementary school choir we sang a song from You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown entitled “Happiness Is.” I loved this song! It listed a bunch of very simple things that bring, well, happiness! Ice cream, friends, music, accomplishments, and more make the list. It’s wonderful and makes me smile every single time I hear it.
How do these two stories/thoughts go together, you might ask. Well, I’ll tell you.
Often we find ourselves seeing the bad and scary more than we see the good. We maybe thrive on crises and complaints instead of happiness and hope. I think we all know the people who see the negative more than the positive, right? I see that tendency in myself at times. There always seems to need to be a villain, a bad guy, a crisis, a problem, a complaint.
Don’t get me wrong: there are indeed yucky things out there and people who do bad things. I’m talking, however, about a knee-jerk response to life. When we look out the window to the world do we see God’s creations or someone or something scary?
Always seeing things as dangerous and critical, however, is a bit like the boy who cried wolf, though. If everything is at full crisis level, then when the real crisis comes along people are too tired of the complaining to care. We ourselves are too tired.
We see this in our body politic a lot. One side is fascist Nazis while the other is communistic Stalinists. We see every position that differs from our own as so extreme that it requires raising a community army to combat it. Instead of even attempting to understand the other side we begin throwing the biggest and most lethal arsenal of weapons at our opponents. People can’t just differ – they have to be evil and seeking to destroy all that we hold dear. We see boogeymen in the glass instead of finding happiness in our lives. We live in a world of personal superhero storylines where every day there is a threat to all the world that only we (and our aligned group) can solve.
I’ve even frequently witnessed this in group settings having nothing to do with politics. “Great. Now once again I have to solve the problem that somebody else caused.” “They’re such horrible parents: look how wild/bad/disobedient/whatever their kids are.” “Oh, my goodness, that person is sure a wreck. Better demonize them.” I think this one is my favorite: “Whoa. That person over there doesn’t problem solve the same way I do, so that means they are really a bad guy.”
My grandmother lived with us for six months a year for several years when I was a young adult. I adored “Granker” (as we called her). She had been widowed in her 50’s and lived alone for a couple decades when one day while crossing the street she was hit by a car and flew onto the hood of the car. The ambulance then wrecked on the way to the hospital. The doctors didn’t believe she would live. She did. Then they said she wouldn’t walk. She might have needed a cane, but she definitely walked! A few years later she needed assistance so she shuttled between our home and my uncle’s home every six months. Anyway, one of the things I absolutely loved about Granker was how she found joy in simple things. When she lived with us she found happiness in reading scriptures, in listening to me play the piano and/or sing, watching my sister dance, playing with her young grandson, taking long drives, watching Lawrence Welk, and reminiscing. The only things I remember her complaining about and hating were cottage cheese and mustard. She looked for the good in the world around her, and indeed she found it.
I can tell you right now that people who do bad things are not going to destroy God’s plan. Beliefs that don’t align with ours do not presage the destruction of the world. Nope, most people are not out to purposefully harm us. They don’t need a call to repentance or the shunning by all society. People are people and just trying to live their lives. That nose ring or tattoo or book or religion (or lack thereof) or tightly held belief or clothing choice or sexual orientation or voting record or anything else is not actually an enemy. People who literally seek to harm you are the enemy. Keeping the two separated in our minds is good.
Meanwhile, instead of finding enemies in the glass, happiness comes from living each day simply and, well, happily! We can’t control others. We can’t control the external challenges we have. We can truly only control whether we look for the positive or the negative in the world around us. My mom used to say (quoting somebody or another from, I think, World War II), “We’ve seen the enemy and they is us.” That’s what Toby sees. He sees himself, but thinks it’s an enemy. We often look around us and see bad, when we could just look a bit closer and see that things and people aren’t as threatening as we thought. There is beauty more than there is danger.
Happiness is… Fill in the blanks for yourself. Leave the big things out of it, such as “happiness is getting rid of this political figure or that one” or “happiness is everyone believing as I do” or “happiness is not having to see that jerk that I hate.” Instead, look for the simple things that make you happy and focus on those. “Happiness is a puppy sitting on my lap and another dog by my side.” “Happiness is hearing a favorite song.” Make your list and you will be surprised at how much happiness you actually have all around you. Find your joy and you will eliminate the toxic straw men that keep you – and all of us – all riled up and miserable.
Happiness: It’s what you see.
Look to God and Live... Joyfully! 