Several weeks ago, at work I made a comment about how this event I was trying to argue in favor of attending would be filled with “mucky mucks” from an industry that mattered to us. There was great confusion. I was looked at as if I was strange. Finally, my boss asked, “mucky mucks? What is that?” I tried to explain, but since I wasn’t anticipating explaining a term that I have used quite frequently for the past several decades my explanation was “jumbled and jivied” (to quote the famous song, Mairzy Dotes). Later someone else who missed my explanation also asked for a definition. It was not my finest sartorial moment. On Thursday yet someone else asked me for a definition when I used it in a conversation. It seemed odd to me, for I thought that mucky mucks was about the most commonly understood term for bigwigs, grand poohbahs, and other important influential folks.
This called to mind my experiences from several years ago, sitting in a early Sunday morning church leadership meetings with the other leaders of our congregation. As I would make comments or observations I was often greeted with quizzical looks. One day the bishopric (those who presided over the congregation) burst into laughter as I spoke. I asked what was so funny, and one of them asked what “peeled eyes” were. I have heard and used the phrase “keep your eyes peeled” my entire life. That one was even harder to explain that mucky mucks, let me tell you!
Often there are things we say that have particular meaning for us but have a completely opposite connotation to others. I was talking to a friend about this recently. I pointed out that I was trying to be more cognizant of how I phrased things, especially if I was speaking with or about individuals in marginalized communities. She asked for examples, and I tried to give some, but me and off-the-cuff definitions are not the best of friends. I later had a whole bunch of phrases or words that have always meant one thing to me but meant something demeaning or hurtful to those in other groups. My friend argued that we shouldn’t be “held emotional hostage” by people who choose not to understand us. I’ve thought a lot about that.
I have tried a lot in recent years and months to not easily take offense. I try to give the benefit of the doubt and ask for clarification if something seems off. I don’t say this to brag, for it wasn’t initially from a place of altruism, but from a place of self-preservation. So often in my earlier years I misconstrued things and lost friends for those misconstructions. I hated the feelings of borderline paranoia that accompanied the belief that everyone was out to get me (my mom used to say, just as a sidenote, that “just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you,” hahaha). I preferred figuring out what the truth was. Okay, sometimes things were said to be mean, but I’d rather know than guess. I guess. Actually, I’d rather everyone just like me, but that’s a topic for another day.
It would be nice if everyone would seek clarification when someone says something seemingly cruel. For many people, however, they have had enough experiences with cruelty that there’s no reason to ask. I watched a video the other day of a young African American man asking a Caucasian man if he really meant what he said when he said there was “a hanging tree for people like him down the street.” That conversation didn’t go well. In fact, one of the men talking about the tree was wearing a lapel pin of a noose! I can understand how someone like this young man would be hypersensitive to certain comments.
Because so many people have such traumatic experiences with words and phrases being flung at them, it seems wise to be more cautious in the words and phrases I use.
We live in polarized times. Words matter. In the UK right this very moment there are riots due to using inflammatory words. A young British citizen, 17 years old, horrifically murdered three children last week, and wounded several more. It is horrifying. Someone began a rumor, however, that this murderer was a Muslim immigrant. Now mosques and Muslim-owned businesses are being destroyed. A hotel in a predominately Muslim area was torched. The violence is sickening. All of this is because of words – ill thought-out words.
The Apostle James, in his epistle, warns about using our tongues – our words – wisely. Though little, the tongue can corrupt the whole body; a member full of deadly poison. Using our words for love, seems like the least we can do to help calm down the false rumor-filled panic of our times.
What does all this have to do with mucky mucks and peeled eyes? Everything. Understanding that words don’t mean the same to everyone – even if we’re speaking the same language – will help us be more cautious in how we use them. Asking, when we don’t understand what something means can lead to understanding and better communication. Seeking to know and avoid trigger phrases that impact others can lead to allyship instead of division. In short, better communication can lead to unity – and peace.
So, to all you mucky mucks reading this, please keep your eyes peeled for ways that your words can be used as a building, not a stumbling, block. Tomato, tomahto might mean the same on the surface, but can have a whole underpinning of differences that can hurt unless dealt with.
Have a great week!
Look to God and Live... Joyfully! 