A couple weeks ago I passed a mother holding her toddler in the hallway at church. The cute little boy smiled and began wildly waving his arms. I smiled. Then the mother started to speak as only proud mothers do and explained that her son was imitating me leading the music. Apparently he recognized me, even in my face mask, and was showing that recognition by doing what he did every Sunday when he saw me leading the congregational hymns – he waved his arms in his best hymn-leading fashion. I as so touched!
I love leading music. I’ve been frequently doing so ever since I was 12, having served in a variety of music capacities in church, work, and the community. For some reason, however, I’ve never felt like a real “music person,” despite my extensive musical experience. As I reflect on what people have said about me, or look at my own abilities, or see the things I have actually done in my life, I find that in all honesty I must consider myself a “music lady,” as I once heard myself described. That’s not all I am, but it is actually an important facet of myself.
I’ve thought a lot about that experience with that adorable toddler. Often I think we are blind to how we are seen by others. I consider myself quite introspective, but even I have absolutely no idea of how others see me. I have found it very educational to ask people I trust, and who love me, to be honest in their assessment of how I come across. I’ve learned a lot and have worked to build upon good traits and refine those areas that need some polishing. There is still a lot I don’t know. Poor self-esteem can hamper those efforts of self-exploration.
Understanding who we are and how we are perceived can be a really useful asset in navigating the world. There is another insight, however, that is even more valuable. Coming to understand how God sees us can have perhaps the greatest impact on our lives and how we come to see ourselves.
There are a lot of negative voices out there. A lot. People often try to fit us into boxes with simplistic definitions based on their own experiences. The Lord, however, loves His children with a love that surpasses our very finite understanding. He looks at us and see divine worth and eternal potential. To Him we aren’t defined by mistakes or personality quirks. To the Lord, who has known us since the beginning, we are precious and limitless.
Have you ever taken the effort to pray to know how God sees you? I have. It isn’t as simple as just uttering a quick prayer and hoping for an even quicker answer. For me, at least, every time I have done this it has taken work. I take time to immerse myself in scripture and spiritually uplifting literature. I listen to music that soothes my soul. I do everything I can to be able to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit. When I have done that, and then sought out the Lord in lengthy supplication I have always come away with a powerful spiritual manifestation.
What have I learned in these circumstances? I have learned that I am beloved. I have learned that God is actually pleased with me, despite my foibles, flaws, and failures. I have learned that God cares intimately about my life and my happiness. I have learned that He is focused on my successes instead of on all the ways I have blown it. I have learned that God will give me absolutely limitless opportunities to grow. I have learned that while God allows really yucky things to happen in my life, He Himself never abandons me. He gives me a lot of wiggle room for mistakes as I navigate difficult unknown territory and doesn’t judge or berate.
Ben’s passing more than six years ago left me feeling rather alone. He was the very first family member in my life to have faith in me to succeed. He rooted for me at all turns. He seemed to believe that there wasn’t anything I couldn’t do. For the first time I had someone who believed that I had something to offer the world. He saw me as his intellectual equal, his spiritual partner, and even better than him in talents and abilities (the latter of which just wasn’t an accurate assessment). Luckily he trained our daughter to view me as he did, giving me a wonderful cheerleading section of two! When Ben died I was lost. I now had to traverse this world without him and his faith in my abilities walking by my side.
One of the things I learned early on after Ben’s death, however, was that God saw me even better than Ben had seen me! He cherished me! He trusted me! He believed I could prosper! What amazing knowledge to be given. I’ve gained confidence in many ways as I’ve worked through things without Ben by my side. It was wonderful having Elizabeth here to provide much-desired support, but then the Lord took that support out of my daily orbit, trusting me to now stand on my own two feet. The Lord sees me as a victor in this battle of life.
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned from these opportunities to seek God’s input on my identity is that God really does view us differently than we see ourselves. I see myself as weak, He sees me as strong. I view myself as always lost and confused, and He sees me as on the path to His glory. It’s not just me, either. He sees all of His children in this positive, hopeful, loving light. He also expects us to view each other with the same loving eyes that He does.
In Les Miserables, Jean Valjean, who has undergone a complete personal spiritual reformation, faces a moment when he must allow someone to die in his place in a case of mistaken identity, thus losing his ability to serve his community in very real ways, or he can acknowledge his own identity and save this man’s life. Knowing how God viewed him, and how God trusted him to do the right thing, Valjean goes and admits to his identity, thus saving the innocent man. Recognizing his Godly identity allowed him to have faith to make the hardest decision. It’s a moving moment in the play when Valjean sings, “Who am I? Who am I? I’m Jean Valjean.” A different Valjean from the one we met earlier in the story. A stronger more faithful Valjean. A Valjean who saw himself as a son of God.
So it is similarly with us. Recognizing who we are in God’s eyes, seeing us as He sees us, allows us to get through the most difficult circumstances. It allows us to trust all will be well. We gain confidence as we recognize that no matter what, nothing can separate us from His love. Our self-esteem expands as we acknowledge that God sees us greater than we see ourselves. We can come to discover hitherto unknown abilities, strengths, and talents, allowing us to enjoy life even more fully.
Who am I? I’m a music lady, a political junkie, a newshound, a storyteller, a travel planner, a butterfly lover, an impetuous soul, and a host of other things. Most importantly, though, I am Jonia Broderick, a daughter of God. And with that identity, I can do anything!
Look to God and Live... Joyfully! 